Preparing to celebrate Ayyam-i-Ha (Days of Joy)

The Baha'i festival of Ayyam-i-Ha will be celebrated from 25th-28th February this year. It is a time of gift-giving, celebrations and of service to others. It's the beginning of Feb and I'm getting organised by acquiring some presents and getting ready to make a wall hanger to put them in (an equivalent of stockings). My 4 year old came with me on the train and we had time to stop at a museum on our way. Successful Mummy Day! (Those are rare...)

Fab February Festival

26-29 Feb 2016 is the Baha'i Festival of Ayyam-i-Ha or 'Days of Joy'. This festival will be celebrated in almost every country in the world as followers of Baha'u'llah (known as Baha'is) get together to exchange gifts, enjoy fellowship and share food.

Sometimes seen as a kind of 'Baha'i Christmas', Ayyam-i-Ha does not actually celebrate a special event. Our more accurate alternative to Christmas is the Birth of Baha'u'llah but on that occasion we generally prefer to keep our celebrations focused on the spiritual nature of the event. Ayyam-i-Ha is not associated with Holy Days and so we are free to give gifts and make merry. We are also encouraged to spend this time in service to others and showing generosity.

So what is it all for then? Well, the Baha'i calendar has 19 months each of 19 days long, which makes 361 days. The Baha'i year starts at the Spring Equinox (20th or 21st March). The last month of the Baha'i year leading up to the new year is a month of fasting, in which adult Baha'is abstain from eating and drinking during the daylight hours. Ayyam-i-Ha is made up of the 4 or 5 extra days in the year, and runs immediately before the fast - a bit like the eating of pancakes before Lent.

Makes sense yet? Ayyam-i-Ha celebrations, period of fasting, New Year celebrations!

For more about the Baha'i beliefs visit www.bahai.org.uk

Our family getting decorations ready!

Moanings of a working mum

Most of the time I feel pretty lucky about my work situation. I've re-trained and carved out a business for myself which I do mostly from home around the needs of the children. I also work 2 days in an office which I've managed to negotiate so that I start super early whilst the husband drops off the children, and I finish in time to pick them up from school. Compared to many situations this is the best of both worlds.

Yet at this time of the year there is a huge increase in the number of events and activities in my children's calendar, and my anxiety about not being there for them also increases.

In the coming weeks there is the pre-school nativity play, the school nativity play, the pre-school Christmas party, the school Christmas fair, plus a random inset day and end of term early finish. Aside from the school play which has an evening showing, all of these events occur on one of my two working days of the week. I have no annual leave left, and apparently I didn't have the foresight to save some for these activities. The children will have a mixture of Daddy looking after them and no parents turning up at all. Who knew that children had such hectic schedules?!?

So I ease my guilt with rationalisations. At least I am there to pick them up from school each day. At least I'm there at the weekends to spend time with them. They can see a positive example by having a working mum (not to imply at all that those working very hard running a household each day are offering anything less than a wonderful example too), theoretically we should have more money for holidays and days out (I say theoretically because we never seem to have any spare money!),

I negotiate and deal to get extra hours and days off. If I can wrangle the childcare and work late on this day, could I go in late after I've watched the nativity play? Can I appeal to my boss for yet another child-related activity which needs my attention?

To cheer us up here are 5 of the great things about going to work:
1) I can drink a hot cup of coffee
2) I can go to the toilet alone
3) I can spread out my work all over my desk and focus on a task without interruption
4) There are 7 whole hours when no one yells 'Mummmmmmyyyyyyyyyy'
5) It turns out that underneath all of the foggy, chaotic, mum of three madness there is a person with a brain that still functions. To some extent.

Sending big love to all the mums and dads out there who are working hard at home and in the office to be there for their children xxx

Easy veggie lasagne

I'm not really much use at all this homely stuff but I do try and get a few vegetables into the children. OK I present vegetables to the children and then wheedle and deal my way into getting them to nibble a bit. This vegetarian lasagne is popular with 2 of my 3, which is as good as it gets around chez Hastie.

To make it I chop up and stir fry 1 onion, 1 carrot, 1 courgette, 1 pepper and about 1/4 tin of kidney beans. Sometimes I add brocolli too.

Once the veg is lightly cooked I add in 1 tin of chopped tomatoes and a dash of tomato puree. Then I transfer it all to a mixing bowl and blitz it with a hand blender until it is like the mush you feed to babies, ie no vegetables can be identified!

I then do 3 layers of veg mush, lasagne sheets and white sauce. There are great recipes for making your own white sauce but I use it from a jar to save time. So: mush, lasagne sheets, white sauce: repeat x 2. It should look a bit like this...

I cook it in a hot oven for approx 40-50 mins. After 30 mins I add some grated cheese to the top. I serve it with garlic bread to bribe the children into eating some of it.

I'd love to hear your quick and easy recipes for getting veggies into children!

A day for peace

Today marked the celebration of the Birth of Baha'u'llah, the Prophet-Founder of the Baha'i Faith. He was born in 1817 in Tehran, Persia. Now millions of Baha'is all across the world are celebrating this special day.

Yet as well as waking up to the happiness of my children ready to open their presents, I also woke up to the tragic news of yet more lives lost senselessly. Although many of you might see religion as a key cause of war, I believe it can inspire people to bring about unity, peace and social justice. Below is a quote from 'Abdu'l-Baha, the son of Baha'u'llah. Today more than ever I am trying to follow these words:

"I charge you all that each one of you concentrate all the thoughts of his heart on love and unity. When a thought of war comes, oppose it by a stronger thought of peace. A thought of hatred must be destroyed by a more powerful thought of love." 

Wishing you peace and prosperity from this corner of Devon.

Celebrating a new culture

Do we really want to be different? To think different, act different? Sometimes we just want to fit in. So how easy is it to raise children with a set of ideals, principles and teachings that are not the norm? How hard is it to remain consistent when parenting from any perspective?

My husband and I are members of the Baha'i Faith, a new world religion which teaches that world peace is not only possible that it is inevitable. A faith which asks us to overcome our prejudices and begin to see the world as one human family and to put that thought into practice by trying to get along with those around us. A faith that teaches that there is a Creator who is unknowable in his/her/its essence, but that our lives should be spent attaining closeness to that Creator by caring for our fellow men.

We are raising our three children to understand and hopefully embrace those teachings, whilst at the same time encouraging them to think for themselves and to appreciate and respect those of all faiths or of none.

It isn't always easy to go against the norm. One challenge at this time of year is the omnipresence of Christmas. Whilst we absolutely wish to celebrate the birth of Christ (as well as celebrate the Holy Days of other faiths) we do have our own calendar with special Holy Days. Today and tomorrow (13th and 14th November) mark the Twin Holy Days celebrating the births of The Bab and Baha'u'llah the Prophet-Founders of our religion.

Today gives me an opportunity to share the joy usually associated with Christmas with our children. We can share gifts as a family, celebrate together, and share stories from the lives of these two extraordinary figures.

I am really lucky to live in a place where I have friends who support and encourage me even if we share different faiths or perspectives. I hope you do too!

Happy Holy Days xxx

“The well-being of mankind, its peace and security, are unattainable unless and until its unity is firmly established.”—Bahá’u’lláh

For more info on the Baha'i Faith visit www.bahai.org

Is our patience finite?

Most days I'm an alright mum. Some days I would even venture to say a good mum. My children are happy, healthy, nurtured, nourished. But there are many days like today when I'm all out of patience and any little thing will make me snap.

My melt-down is not unprovoked. It could be the 2 year old who fights for ages before letting me strap him in the car seat, the 3 year old who is determined to only do poos in his pants (and preferably at other people's homes). It could be the 6 year old who sneaks a party dress underneath her school uniform. It could be that the 3 of them have disassembled my hoover and only they know how to put it back together, or that I'm sitting typing at the top of the stairs so I can chase the little ones back into their beds when they pop out.

Whatever pushed me to the brink, I'm here now and seem to be staying. I know that as a human being I can choose how to behave and to a certain extent how to feel. I can choose to show more patience. But sometimes it feels as though I have a cup of patience per day, and today's has been all poured out. So instead of a caring, fun mummy the kids get grouchy, sarcastic mummy who wanders around pleading "don't you want to be helpful to mummy?" (and that was only 8.50am!)

I know I'm not alone. Most people (if not all people) with small children periodically wonder what the heck they are doing. Why am I wiping poo off the bath mat? Why am I picking up pieces of cereal from the lounge floor? Why am I cooking from a selection of only 3 meals (pasta, pasta and pasta) to appease my children? Why are my dishwasher and washing machine on all day every day? What is the meaning of life?

So I'll do what I do most nights: pack them off to bed as soon as possible, eat chocolate in front of the telly, and then look at pictures and videos of them being cute. I'll creep in to check on them before bedtime and think that they are so adorable when they are sleeping that maybe I should have 3 more.

H didn't want to come into the house :-)

I love being a mother of boys!

I was so relieved when my first child was a girl. I really wanted girls, and had no interest in having boys. When my second child was a boy I was really happy to have one of each. But for pregnancy number 3, the husband and I were both sure we would back on safe ground with another girl. Instead we got Harry :-)

So now I have a lovely 5 year old daughter and then these 2 BOYS who are just 18 months apart. But the funny thing is it turns out they are just as cute, just as endearing, and just as cuddly as their sister was and is. They also have their own special little ways which I'm learning all about. There is more climbing, more falling, more wrestling and more injuries than I was prepared for. All floor space in my house is permanently covered in train track and all kinds of wheeled vehicles, and shops will only sell me blue or green clothes. They have won my heart and I'm the proud Momma of 3 fabulous little people!

How many times should I pick dinosaurs off the stairs?

Someone in this situation needs to evolve. First thoughts go to the small children who should be trained not to throw their toys down the stairs. But, maybe it is me that needs to evolve? Would a sensible person keep on repeating the same task several times a day when the result is the same?

The husband and I spent a few hours last week sorting out all of the toys and labelling boxes for them to be stored in. Although most of the toys were tipped out yesterday it was actually much more satisfying to have a proper place for each set and to file them tidily away in various cupboards. I just finished when 3 small whirlwinds whooshed in and covered the bedroom in duvets and blankets.

I surrender...

What do you find yourself picking up endlessly?

Visiting the dentist

Our family dentist is fantastic. She really focuses on making having a check up to be a fun experience for the children. All 3 children go in together and she encourages them to have a ride in the fun chair, brush the teeth of a toy crocodile, and learn a bit about dental hygiene.

She has totally won over my usually shy eldest child, and convinced both boys to climb up into her chair. The baby of course wanted to brush his own teeth with a giant toy toothbrush but that's all good. And the dentist is so thoughtful that she took a picture of my kids being cute and emailed it to me! I'm pretty sure visiting the dentist wasn't half so much fun when I was a child!!

Father's Day

The kids (and me) did let Daddy have an extra half an hour of sleep but then he had to get up and do fatherly duties (like falling asleep with a toy car being wheeled across his belly!).

Poor Daddy had to look after all 3 munchkins whilst I was at work. Hopefully he enjoyed all of the hand-prints and cards which he received.

He is an excellent father and bears the burdens of caring for 3 small ones incredibly well. He puts up with working 40-50 hours a week, living on 5-6 hours sleep a night, knowing he is currently the least favourite parent and then having us all accuse him of being grumpy :-)

So Mr Hastie let me say that we all love you and thanks for being such a fab dad!

Message to the World Cup

Dear readers, I very rarely re-post stuff from other people, but this is a special and timely message. It was written by the world council of the Baha'i Faith community at the request of the President of Brazil, for the opening ceremony of the football world cup. Happy reading...
----------------
Her Excellency Ms. Dilma Rousseff,

President of the Federative Republic of Brazil

Your Excellency,

In response to your kind invitation, we take pleasure in sending the following message on the occasion of the opening of the 2014 World Cup.

We extend our heartfelt greetings to the people of Brazil as they welcome the representatives of so many countries to their homeland for a celebration of sporting prowess. Few occasions can claim to embrace so wide a cross-section of humanity, comprising peoples of varied ethnic, religious, and cultural backgrounds. It is clear to every observer that the sport that has brought these nations to Brazil is only strengthened by the marvellous diversity of the participants. To rejoice in this fact is to reject prejudice in all its forms. Truly, nothing is more striking about this extraordinary footballing spectacle than its capacity to reflect the global culture that has emerged in this age. And in summoning together the nations in friendship, it powerfully suggests that collaboration and common endeavour are possible in all things.

Humanity today is bound together in a global civilization. As the world advances in its organic evolution, let it reflect at this moment on the many qualities that the Brazilian people so admirably embody. For the path to peace will require expansive hearts, a passion for progress, unbounded creative energy, great resilience, a strength forged from diversity, and minds enlightened by the spirit of the age and inspired by the quest for justice. The peoples of the world are as variegated flowers in one splendid garden. Is any nation more fit to demonstrate this simple but essential truth than Brazil? In the vibrant, interwoven colours of this land the world can imagine its own dazzling future possibilities.

A sporting contest, even one on such a scale as this, cannot obscure the severity of the challenges that confront humankind. But in the weeks to come, we hope that observers everywhere—especially the youth of the world—will take heart from the many examples of team work, fair play, valour, and earnest striving that are sure to surface in the tournament. God willing, they will aspire to show those same qualities in their lives, in service to their communities, and in the promotion of peace. Whether labouring for the elimination of every trace of racism and discrimination, championing the equality of women and men, or seeking to advance justice, the efforts of every member of the human family are necessary. Constructive change is possible everywhere. Man, woman, youth, and child—all have an essential contribution to make.

We anticipate a time when competition among the nations may be a phenomenon chiefly witnessed in the sporting arena, whereas interactions on the global stage will be dominated by cooperation,reciprocity, and mutual support. We pray that this present occasion will redound to the honour of the great nation of Brazil as hosts and that the event will inspire not only passing fellowship but lasting solidarity among all who participate and the countless millions who spectate.

- The Universal House of Justice

Things The Kids Did Today Which Made Me Laugh!

...they can be a total nightmare to look after, but they also make me laugh! Here are today's episodes:

1) I just caught my toddler dipping his hand into the leftover cat food. I shrieked 'NO!!!' and leapt to knock a lump of jellied fish out of his podgy hand and then examined his mouth for evidence. He either hadn't sampled any, or had finished chewing.

2) The same toddler (H, aged 19 months) discovered at dinner time that he could hold a piece of penne pasta in his lips and make it into a whistle by blowing through it. He made us all laugh so the other children wanted to join in. My 5 year old did the same thing, but my 3 year old didn't quite seem to understand and so put pasta between his lips and then said 'nee nah' like a fire engine :-)

3) The husband and I were woken up this morning by the sound of children giggling and babbling. After ignoring it for a while we (OK he) investigated and found that our 3 year old son had climbed into his baby brother's cot (in a different bedroom) and they were happily playing together.

Getting a job

I weighed up some of the pros and cons of returning to work in a previous post To work or not to work. Now I've had a part-time job for a couple of months I'm reflecting on how it's working out.

My last 'proper' job came to an end just before I got pregnant with baby number 3, so I didn't have a job to return to. I run my own business and so have continued to work on that, but the pressures of paying the bills on a regular basis and my husband wanting to re-train and change his career have led me to look for a part-time job. Luckily when I was visiting my favourite local family park I saw an advert for someone to work in the entry kiosk. I charmed and CV'd my way into the job and now work at least 1 day per weekend a few days during the school holidays.

I only work on days where my husband is available to look after the children so there are no childcare costs. It does eat quite dramatically into our family time, but I guess I have to prioritise keeping a roof over our heads.

The first couple of days of work were seriously a MAJOR REST! Only having to look after yourself without looking out for 3 little people, being able to drink a cup of tea whilst it's hot, and having some adult conversation were huge pluses. I totally loved coming home to find my husband had cooked dinner (or a couple of times spent half my days earnings on a takeaway..) and begun to get the children ready for bed. It is great to know that he now understands what it is like to spend 9 hours alone with 3 children aged 5, 3 and 1. That helps.

Now I'm finding that my guilt for spending time away from the children is creeping in. This half term I'm working 5 days, but we are taking the children to CBeebies Land at Alton Towers for 2 days in the middle, so I imagine they'll mostly remember that! Guilt seems to be an emotion that goes hand-in-hand with parenting, and I'm striving to keep it at bay so there is just enough guilt to motivate me to try harder but not enough to make me sit and cry in the corner :-)

In general I am enjoying having a job as an extra dimension to my life. It is a relief to have a teensy weensy bit of time away from my beloved children, and it is necessary to earn money. I'm able to be there to take my daughter to school and pick her up every day, and my husband and kids regularly come to the park to visit me and enjoy themselves.

In my lovely uniform...

How not to potty train

Since writing about Potty training nightmares a few weeks back, things have only gotten worse. My poor 3 year old far from feeling encouraged by all of our efforts to potty train him decided instead to resist and stop wanting to wee and poo altogether. This resulted in a few days of begging and pleading with him, putting nappies back on, taking him on and off the toilet, giving him drinks and generally despairing. He was able to hold out for most of each day, even though that involved some obvious pain and lots of hopping around. He did most of his wees overnight when he was sleeping.

I was so worried about him that I tried to make a doctor's appointment but was only able to see a nurse. She advised me to put away the potty and not mention it for a while, and to put my 3 year old back in nappies. Maybe it's my paranoia but I detected a tone of judgement for my bad parenting. My 3 year old (S) had shown all of the signs of being ready to potty train and was really happy to be wearing his big boy pants.

The following day he was willing to try and wee but he was in so much pain as he did it, and also was lying on the sofa feeling really poorly. My husband rang up the doctors again and although he swears he asked to see a doctor when I took S back it was another nurse practitioner. She asked me to collect a urine sample (easier said than done) and so I delivered that back the following day (Thurs). On Fri when we called back to get the results but they had been sent off for analysis and so we would have to wait over the weekend.

On Monday when we called back my husband was able to at least speak to a GP on the phone, and she told him that S doesnt have a urine infection and prescribed some laxatives. Nearly a week later he is still in discomfort when weeing, so on Thursday I called the doctors again and pleaded to see an actual doctor. As usual they offered me either a nurse practitioner or a phone conversation with a doctor. I held out for a physical appointment and was offered one 8 days later. I attempted to negotiate but to no avail. So we are still waiting for that one and meantime S does seem to be improving.

So what do we do next? S is back in nappies full time, we have to give him a break from the idea of potty training and hope that he doesn't have all these negative associations with it when we try again later. Here's hoping for a few more parenting victories to make me feel a bit more competent as a mummy :-)

Who makes you smile?

After 2 days of dealing with a fairly ill child (plus 2 siblings) and generally moaning and complaining at the world, the sight of my littlest ones happily holding hands put a smile on my face. Today I have grumbled at the doctors surgery for constantly sending me to a nurse practitioner when I ask for a GP (I did get a lovely effort from the reception manager who did go out of her way to explain their procedures), I have sent an angry email to Tescos after getting bad customer service (and bad food), and let the lettings agent for my house have some of my grumpiness too.

My poor middle child is unwell and has spent the whole day on the sofa, aside from being dragged to the doctors surgery again (and tescos of course). His baby brother hung out with him, and the two of them had a lovely few minutes of holding hands. It helped put a smile back on my face and remind me that parenting is all about raising these creatures who are our future citizens and (I believe!) are precious souls.

Let me know what makes you smile!

Fun in the garden!

Thank goodness for better weather! This was taken a couple of weeks ago, but I'm trying to cheer myself up with the sight of happy children as I have one sick at home today. I'm so proud of my little gang of cuties!

Potty Training Nightmares

Many of you will have successfully taught a child how to use the potty or the toilet. I have done it as well, once. For my second attempt things seem a little trickier...

My middle child turned 3 last week, and so that prompted further encouragement to ditch those nappies and put on 'big boy' pants. We have tried many times in the past to get him to potty train but he has such a dislike that we've backed off for a while. But now that he is 3 we can't leave it much longer.

He is very keen on wearing the proper pants and not having nappies, but he is yet to do anything in the potty or toilet. We play endless games of dollies pretending to wee on the potty, read stories, attempt bribery with chocolate, but nothing is working.

My next step will be just to take the nappies away and let him have some little 'accidents'. Hopefully that will do the trick!

Send me all your tips and suggestions please...

How much are you in control of your kids?

This is a fairly typical scene at our home. Luckily all 3 children love playing together, and at the moment all 3 seem to love having a bit of rough play. Despite all my ideals of my children being harmonious peace-loving creatures, they do seem to have a need to tumble around and get some energy out. So far it is all good natured and they also enjoy playing softer games.

This morning my almost 3 year old said "I don't want any more cuddles, I just want to sit down" to his 5 year old sister. He had tolerated a few minutes of being kissed and cuddled and told he was loved, but enough was enough.

How much should we manage their play? I am watching them a lot of the time, but I'm trying to refrain from hovering over them and stepping in at every little thing. (More often I'm hovering over them with my phone camera!) If anything unkind is said then I do dispense discipline, but if they are all happily playing then I have been leaving them to it.

Leave me a comment and let me know how you are managing your children's energy and getting on with the school holidays! x

Happy Mother's Day!

I'm a bit ambivalent about mother's day. On one hand it is really lovely to have the kids make cards, give me cuddles and express their love, but on the other hand it creates an expectation that I will be treated differently. In reality I am still woken up early and have to spend the day looking after children (with some help from the husband). I fear that mother's day and my birthday turn me into a bit of a diva. I'm wondering where my breakfast in bed is, or my lie in, or a special treat. Why have all 3 children climbed into my bed and basically pushed me out?

So its time to step back and just be grateful for life. I have 3 special little people who shower me with unconditional love. Despite the lack of lie ins I wouldn't swap my life and I'm lucky to be able to have these precious children. I got a 'best mum' mug and I'm still optimistic that my husband will make a coffee to go in it. We'll have one of our many fab family days out and appreciate spending time together.

Happy mother's day to all of the hard working sleep deprived mums out there! Enjoy your special day x